The Case of the Orange Cones

Leaving downtown Richmond I headed east on I-64, cruising at the speed limit towards a final destination of Virginia Beach. Things seemed to be going very well. A quick stop in Williamsburg provided a barbeque “fix”. I resumed my journey home.

Suddenly traffic came to a grinding halt. For a moment it seemed to provide the perfect opportunity to eat my barbeque sandwich without worrying about losing a grip on the steering wheel. But that line of thinking ended very quickly when it appeared I might be in gridlocked traffic for hours.

The culprit suddenly appeared in the form of a sign reading “Right Lane Closed Ahead. Merge Left”. Of course most drivers in the right lane ignored the sign and blasted ahead, trying to bully their way to the beginning of the lane rather than waiting their turn like the rest of us. Of course this behavior caused the left lane to come to a screeching halt while the bullies in the right lane merged into the only continuing lane. One mile turned into many with no closed right lane appearing. The bullies continued their push to the head of the line.

Knowing that everything would be better when we reached the spot where the right lane was blocked, I stretched my neck to see if that spot lay close ahead. Nothing…. The traffic continued to creep. I grew tired and frustrated. Miles turned into more miles with nothing except more signs reading, “Lane closed ahead.” My resentment at the bullies in the right lane grew. So I inched forward as close as I could to the car ahead of me, refusing access to those trying to fight their way to the beginning of the line. That proved useless as the bullies just zoomed further forward, finding some unwitting soul to allow them to merge left.

Would the closed lane never appear? I envisioned remaining in that traffic line throughout the night, and maybe on into days, months and years. Miles of forest land provided no opportunity for relieving the boredom. And still no closed lane on the right…..

Finally when I thought I might be about to lose my mind I spotted a large blinking arrow attempting to force the traffic of the right lane into that of the left. Hope began to dwell in my heart. Maybe the rest of my life would not be spent on I-64 East. My quest to inch as close as possible to the car ahead resumed, as the bullies were now aggressively trying to merge into my lane. I fought the urge to roll down my window and call the orange cone purveyors incompetent morons.

Suddenly the cones appeared! I felt as if there were angels overhead singing songs of praise. But my feeling of elation quickly turned into a curiosity as to what VDOT project had caused my long delay. As I began the journey through the one lane labyrinth I scanned the right lane for construction. Nothing… The further I continued the more puzzled I became. Still nothing…. I reached the end of the section of “Right Lane Closed” and there was absolutely no roadwork, nothing at all………

Those experiences were brought to memory last week when I experienced a one and a half hour delay due to orange cones blocking a lane in the Hampton Roads Tunnel. Ten o’clock in the evening during the first week of tourist season is certainly an odd time for a man made traffic jam. Can we send the Orange Cone Fairy to Wyoming or New Hampshire?

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